How do you get over the fact that a person you’re interested in has an ex that is more attractive than you?
First, I am going to stop you. Maybe it’s because I have been looking at Korean Plastic Surgeries on Tumblr while eating an oversized bowl of artery collapsing popcorn for the last half hour. Or maybe it’s because Miss Cassandra is an ardent feminista, but I just want to start this with: you are beautiful and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Totally true.
We live in a society where beauty means something and it’s especially true at Penn, but it’s not everything. Maybe his/her ex looks like a young Angelina Jolie, but they broke up for a reason and maybe it’s because he/she was crazy or even his/her looks got in the way. Now, I know what you are thinking, “Miss Cassandra you have to say this, you’re a girl; we are constantly telling each other that we are beautiful.” Well, let me tell you a little story. While performing at a comedy show last week, a comic was going over the difference between dating a 9 and a 4. He highlighted his own worries about being with someone better looking and how much more comfortable it is to be with someone who isn’t as hot. And while this is a misogynistic/very comedy club way to talk about it, both guys and girls can feel extremely insecure about having an overly attractive partner.
Either way, you really shouldn’t worry about it. If he or she is the kind of person who only dates people for their looks, then he/she is probably not the best choice anyways. Your personality should always be your most attractive feature… And his/her ex may just be skin deep.
How do you move on from the fact that the guy you are dating is more experienced sexually than you?
This is another one where it depends on the person who you are dating. If the guy is a jerk, this is going to be a problem and if he is a nice and respectful person, this shouldn’t be a huge deal. This is college; most people have different levels of experience so it is pretty likely that new couples will have different levels of experience. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
Make sure to talk to your guy early on, but not too early on to scare him. Wait a couple of dates or after some significant experiences (since it seems like no Penn guys want to go to simple eff–ing dinner… But Miss Cassandra digresses). It is important that you feel comfortable enough and he is mature enough to talk about these things. I know some girls try to hide their virginity from their partners, but that’s not the best idea. Miss Cassandra whole heartedly believes that every time you have sex it should be thought out, safe and consensual, but often people put a lot of added significance to the first time and it’s true that you’ll remember it forever (hopefully pleasantly). If he is trying to pressure you into sex before you are ready… ditch him. He is in no way worth it, but most likely if he really likes you, he’ll understand. Take baby steps. There are a lot of things you can do that are not “sex.” Experiment a little but stay in your comfort zone.
Have a question for Miss Cassandra? Email it to highbrow@34st.com.
