Enchante, mes cheris, and congratulations on making it one week closer to Fling, summer, and the rest of your budding little lives. Here at Highbrow, our only goal is to bring you your weekly fix of campus happenings. We hope we don't disappoint.
BREAKING NEWS: Want to know why it's taken so long for SPEC to release the third Fling artist? Highbrow hears it's because there is no third Fling artist. Or rather, not yet. Or rather, there was. Apparently, French EDM duo Justice was slated to headline, but canceled at the last minute, leaving our favorite branch of student government scrambling for an alternative. France seems to be taking over, as rumor has it that David Guetta has stepped in as headliner. Nothing has been confirmed, obvi, but really, isn't anything better than Tyga?
Speaking of blood–suckers, our next tampon–themed tidbit is something of a marvel. It seems that one senior girl was having sex with her boyfriend this past week. After the dirty deed, her boy said something along the lines of "don't take this the wrong way, but your vagina felt kind of different this time." Apparently, the girl had forgotten to remove her tampon from the previous day and she couldn’t get it out herself, prompting her boyfriend to have to extricate the day–old device. Boy, I bet he was in for some toxic shock, am I right?
Who says Bloomers girls aren’t as cool as Mask and Wig guys? Not Highbrow. Sources tell us that cops went to break up a Bloomers party this weekend after receiving noise complaints. The girls must have charmed with their comedy chops, because the boys–in–blue ended up staying to play a round of beer pong. Wait, we feel like we’ve seen this movie before.
In a move that proves Penn kids are always keeping it classy, one mamacita was seen stealing an exit sign from Zetes and then collapsing and taking a nap on Locust in front of the Women’s Center, exit sign in hand. But like, how will Zetes know where to exit? Tune in next week for the gripping conclusion to this tale.
Are you a senior? Are you thesis–ing too hard? Never fret, duckies, because it seems like somebody always has it worse. Highbrow hears that one ~*totally over it*~ boy ingested too many cigarettes and cups of coffee in too short a period of time. How many? Enough to vomit all over the floor of Fisher Fine Arts. Ew. We’ll stick to Rosenparty.
