PRE–SHOW
Take a drink if:
• Quvenzhane Wallis brings her puppy purse
—Someone asks her if she’s figured out what an Oscar is
• Jennifer Lawrence says something adorable and self–deprecating (example:
“chubby fingers,” that she’s geeking out about other celebs, etc.)
—She talks about her dress malfunction at the SAG Awards
• Ben Affleck is asked about his directing snub
• Anyone mentions Twitter, tweets–per–minute, or “trending”
—Take a shot if you get all three in one sentence!
• Someone mentions the 2011 Oscars hosted by Anne Hathaway and James Franco
• Someone is confused by the “mani–cam”
• Someone says it’s just an honor to be nominated
• Someone’s bowtie is askew
• Someone trips on their dress or has trouble getting down the stairs
• Ryan Seacrest pretends to know the name of a star’s plus–one
• The E! women insist upon talking about their own outfits and prep time
• A nominee arrives 5 minutes before the red–carpet show ends
OSCARS
Take a drink if:
• Seth MacFarlane looks stiff and uncomfortable on stage (use your best judgment—example: head–bobbing)
—He smiles through a punch line
—He makes a Nazis or Hitler joke that somehow references Christoph Waltz or Michael Haneke
• Seth MacFarlane sings
—Take a shot if: someone from the audience joins him
—Take another if it’s Anne Hathaway
• Someone thanks Harvey Weinstein
—Take a shot if: someone alludes to his famously intense campaigning
• Seth MacFarlane makes a joke about being an Oscar–nominee, just like
insert–name–of–famous–director–here
—He makes a face when his name is read
—Take a shot when: Ted shows up!
•Seth MacFarlane does an impression
—Finish your drink if: it’s Stewie!
• Adele’s voice cracks, but you love her anyway
• Anyone mentions the ages of Emmanuelle Riva and Quvenzhane Wallis
—Take a shot if: someone wishes Riva Happy Birthday!
• Someone mispronounces Quvenzhane Wallis’ name
• A presenter thrusts her leg through the slit in her dress, à la Jolie
• Anne Hathaway does a Taylor Swift–surprise face
—Finish your drink if: she cries!
• A loser resentfully smiles to camera
• Someone mentions Russell Crowe’s less–than–stellar singing in Les Mis
• Someone mentions the general god–like quality of either Spielberg or DanielDay–Lewis
• The orchestra plays someone off
—Keep drinking until they stop talking
• Someone references Tommy Lee Jones’ infamous curmudgeonly face
—Take a shot if: they pan to him and he’s laughing!
—Finish your drink if: he isn’t!
• Seth MacFarlane makes a joke about a celeb, who does not laugh
• A winner says they didn’t prepare anything
• Anyone mentions Meryl Streep
• Someone says “Argo fuck yourself!”
• Someone makes a Bigelow–Cameron joke
—Take a shot if: it’s better than the one at the Globes!
• Someone mentions Jodie Foster’s “coming out” speech from the Globes
• Someone hits on Bradley Cooper
• Someone mentions the controversy surrounding Zero Dark Thirty
—Take a shot if: it’s during a too–political acceptance speech
• Someone forgets to thank the Academy in their speech
• Every time you don’t recognize someone during the In Memoriam montage (try to keep up!)
• Take a shot if: there is a legit upset in any major category
