• When Pete sleeps, time freezes. He always gets a good night’s sleep.
• Pete took his first final on the compass and got an A+.
• Pete’s first word was disestablishmentarianism. He invented it.
• Pete found the cure for polio, but let Jonas Salk take all the credit because he’s a nice guy.
• Pete doesn’t just have sex under the Button. Pete has sex with the Button.
• Once Pete thought he had a cold. Progresso invented chicken soup just for him.
• Pete was born a full–grown man.
• Pete got a 2400 on the SAT, but only filled in his name.
• Pete’s birthday is considered a national holiday.
• Whatever Pete touches turns to gold. He then donates it all to starving children in Africa.
• Pete’s favorite color is not visible in the human light spectrum.
• Pete wrote a five–act play in iambic pentameter about star–crossed lovers in 1st grade. He was very disappointed to find out about the existence of Romeo and Juliet.
• Pete once fell off his bike. Pete was fine, but the city had to fix the street.
• When you blow a dog whistle, Pete can hear it. He doesn’t appreciate it.
• Pete’s favorite food is air.
• Pete only goes to the bathroom once a year.
