CAPOGIRO:
“Still a little watery, but better.” “Has a bit more flavor.” “Kinda like Franzia: not very good, but you’re gonna drink it anyway because it’s not that bad.” The bottom line: Though not amazing, Capo’s coffee is better than some others.
WAWA:
“Smells like poop.” “OY!” “Tastes like dirt.” “Oh my god. This is legitimately the backwash of boiled carrots.” “This is even more watery than office coffee,” The bottom line: Stay away from Wawa’s coffee unless you’re broke and in dire need of a cheap caffeine fix.
HUB BUB:
“Really sweet smell.” “Tastes like Thanksgiving!” “My favorite.” “The best so far.” The bottom line: Our favorite. Flavorful and robust, Hub Bub’s coffee was the clear frontrunner.
GIA PRONTO:
“Really watered–down.” “Tastes like dirty water.” “Tastes stale.” “This shit is terrible.” The bottom line: Gia Pronto’s coffee is watered–down and lacking in flavor.
MONSTER ENERGY DRINK:
“Tastes like the sugarfree lollipops you get in the doctor’s office.” “This tastes like the candy that the shitty Halloween house gives you.” “Ew…people actually drink this?!” “The bubbles are a nice touch.” The bottom line: Don’t drink this unless you want to evoke memories of stale Halloween candy and doctors’ offices.
ROCKSTAR ENERGY DRINK:
“This is what a room smells like when it’s filled with moldy food and then you spray it with air freshener.” “This is like Lysol and Sweet’N Low mixed together.” “The color is the same as your pee when you drink too much and you’re really dehydrated.” The bottom line: Seriously, don’t drink this.
