Reasons we’re voting for Obama: • His deadpan sass rivals that of any Without A Net–er. • Dude can ball. • He admits to trying drugs without any of that “but I didn’t inhale” BS. • He slow–jammed the news with Jimmy Fallon and danced with Ellen. • Michelle Obama. Enough said. • Bo Obama is probably the most adorable first pet ever.
Reasons we’re voting for Romney: • He has a basketball team of children. • His name backwards spells Wharton. • His hair looks like it could single–handedly fix the economy. • The man clearly knows how to SABS. • When we hear Bain Capital, all we can think of is Romney whispering, “When your assets are ashes, you have my permission to default.”
Reasons we’re not voting for Obama: • He’s too clingy; more emails a week than Career Services. • He just seems kind of tired all the time. • He confessed to eating doggie meat once as a kid. • He already had a turn. Sharing is caring.
Reasons we’re not voting for Romney: • He strapped his dog to the roof of his car. But, actually. • He was DEFINITELY a huge douche in high school. • He would’ve been in A’s. • He might be a robot who is going to take over the world.
