Freshman Year: Drop pre–med. Stop hanging out with your cohort. Erase from your memory the knowledge of a Detailed Descriptive Outline (DDO). Decide Econ may not be for everyone. Specifically you. Check out your first book from Van Pelt. Pay your first library fee when you forget that you checked a book out from Van Pelt. Decide on your wardrobe for the next three years: V–necks or polos? Rush accordingly. Skip a lecture. Revel in your newfound sense of irreverence.
Sophomore Year: Drop pre–med. BYO Commons. You know you've missed it. Get rejected three weeks in a row from every on–campus bar. Beg older friends/acquaintances who look nothing like you to give you their ID. Facebook creep to try to determine which juniors have the prettiest abroad pictures. Decide where you want to go abroad accordingly. Start planning your career trajectory, as this is totally normal for a 19–year–old.
Junior Year: Drop Pre–Med. BYO your lecture classes. Savor your last few weeks of freedom from non–stop bragging about "the croissants in Paris" and "the freedom and cultural diversity" of Amsterdam. Be a cougar. Slim pickings. Have you already secured a Goldman job? - If yes, fist–pumping and bottle service downtown. - If no, give up.
Senior Year: Regret not dropping Pre–Med. BYO your 10–person seminar. Take a class that fulfills absolutely nothing. Did someone say ceramics? When selecting your final semester's courseload, don't choose any classes that are rated higher than a 1.9 rating on Penn Course Review. Take a friend to formal. You've exhausted all potential sexual partners. Finally get that picture with A–Gut at her holiday party.
