The Devil Elevator (Van Pelt)
It’s a regular Sunday afternoon. You’ve just woken up, you’re still a little drunk and your backpack is bursting with overdue anxiety. You’ve made it through the turnstile, and the elevator bings. The doors slide open to reveal a hellish, wooden nightmare. Where the elevator should be is instead a creaky, wooden box, stained (presumably) with the blood of hungover students long forgotten. You gingerly step inside, and set your sights on the 4th floor East Asian Studies room. The doors whisper shut, the temperature drops a good 30 degrees, the lights flicker, a sinister demon–voice starts condemning you for your sins and the elevator plummets into Hell. Or something like that.
Frat Bathroom (ALL FRATS)
Your head is spinning from too much of that jungle juice Penn AM warned you about, and as you make your way up the stairs stumbling only one or two — okay, maybe three — times, you search desperately for a place to pee. You wait impatiently in line for a solid ten minutes, until finally it’s your turn. As you open the door, your short–lived sigh of relief is replaced with a strangled gasp. The floor is covered in —what is that? Blood? Vomit? Human feces? Did someone die in here? You try to remove any thoughts of the rotting corpse that could be hidden behind the shower curtain from your mind so that you can just get in and out quickly. But then you are faced with something even more terrifying: trying to find the toilet paper. Welcome to the frat bathroom.
The Quad Catacombs
You’re looking for a friend’s room on the first floor of Riepe, and all of a sudden you’ve descended one flight of stairs too many and you’re trapped within a hellish, stray–chair–filled labyrinth of off–white hallways and creepy, degenerate wall graffiti (does that one say “Rasputin”?!!!?). You round a corner and come face to face with a pair of stoners lighting up beneath a dilapidated ventilation duct, terrifying the hell out of all parties involved, and turn to run back home. But you’re lost, and all you find are cobwebs, doorways made for people three feet tall and the occasional corpse. You begin to panic as the halls blend together and you think the end is nigh. But then you make it to the Jewish Activities Room (real thing) and everyone’s smiling and eating matzo ball soup and it’s all good. BUT THEY’RE ALL THREE FEET TALL!!!!
