Street: What are you involved in on campus? Dan Saris: I’m a football player, I’m a pre–med Molecular Biology major, I’m in Sammy — I was candidate educator last year — and I work as a doorman/bartender at Blarney.
Street: Do you think people have treated you differently since you’ve started working at Blarney? DS: Oh yeah. Well people usually try to act nice to me — especially girls when they wanna get their friends in. There was one time a girl came up to me, and I rejected her and she said, “No, no! I know Dan. It’s cool!” And I’m Dan. So that wasn’t cool.
Street: Do you think bouncers or doormen (what’s the PC term?) generally get a bad rep? DS: It doesn’t matter. And you either love ‘em or hate ‘em depending on whether your ID is good or bad.
Street: What’s the most commonly ordered drink at Blarney? DS: By guys? High Life. Girls? Vodka Tonic.
Street: If you were one of the drinks you make, which one would you be? And why? DS: Bear Fight. It’s a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. And that’s why.
Street: What kind of doctor do you wanna be? DS: Orthopedic surgeon. Just playing football and having as many injuries as I’ve had, you kind of get a pretty in–depth view of what orthopedic surgery is…It’s just something that always seemed cool to me and is also a way for me to, once I’m done playing football, kinda stay near football and sports in general. My dream job would be to be an orthopedic surgeon for the Eagles.
Street: Who’s your favorite fictional doctor? DS: The Todd [from "Scrubs"].
Street: So what do your football friends think of the fact that you’re pre–med? DS: One guy on the offensive line calls me Dr. Saris and always asks me questions about it. They kind of make fun of me at times and ask me questions that you wouldn’t necessarily know the answers to until you start going to med school.
I’m a Molecular Biology major. I haven’t taken anatomy or anything like that.
Street: What’s the best part of being on the football team? DS: It makes working a lot easier because there’s always people who have your back in case something really crazy goes down. The best part is that you have 110 good friends from the moment you get here.
Street: Does football help you bounce? DS: It helps that I know how to push heavy people. Like, I spend all day pushing around guys my size, so…littler people is lot easier. The average Penn student isn’t that terrifying.
Street: Bouncing Sammy versus bouncing Blarney? DS: If you know anything about Sammy, a guy my size is pretty nice to have on the door. But when I would work the door at Sammy, it was about the ratio. At Blarney, it’s just “are you 21 or not?” So the idea of ratio is thrown out the window, which is much nicer for me because I always felt like an asshole doing that to people.
Street: Who would you say is your alter ego? DS: My alter ego would be Steve [the body guard] from Jerry Springer because he's powerful, yet kind and understanding. He's a principled man.
Street: If you were a Kardashian, which one would you be? DS: Who’s the big one? ‘Cause that one, I guess.
Street: Describe yourself to the Penn community in under five words. DS: I know it’s fake.
