1. Ask Daddy to make a sizeable donation directly to Mr. P. Master.
2. Get a medical excuse, though we doubt anyone’s really allergic to humiliation.
3. You’re Jewish just like everyone else, but “um, that’s against my religion.”
4. Fake a pregnancy — thanks to the Surgeon General, those baby–toting fatties can’t do anything.
5. Rush Delta Upsilon.
6. Hide in Gregory. No one knows where that is.
7. "But I am le tired."
8. Get a mommy’s note. How could anyone be mean to her little pooky bear?
9. You know that weird helpless feeling you get when someone next to you cries? Now imagine being that someone.
10. Drop out of the UA.
