Welcome back to Penn, dear friends. To those abroad last semester, welcome back to America. We hope for your sake that the accent you picked up fades soon. Highbrow acquired one of our own over break, so be sure to read the following scandalous stories in a heavy German accent. Danke!
Rush is almost over! Sorority girls survived endless chatter and cloying songs, and frat guys survived the massive amounts of alcohol they were encouraged to consume. Congrats! Though not a frat or a sorority, we hear Tabard gave out bids this past week with all the rest of them. But to their surprise, their rushes weren’t falling all over themselves to accept their offers. Quite the contrary actually, as the society had to give out a second round of bids to second–rate girls to make up for everyone who had turned them down. Guess the girls are finally realizing that all that hazing isn’t worth admission to a glorified mini-Theta. Oh well.
SAE tried and failed to bring their rushes to Atlantic City this past Friday. After driving two hours on chartered buses packed with drunken boys and scantily–clad girls, the group arrived at the hotel where they had booked two suites, only to be told to drive back home. It turns out that after one rush vomited in the lobby, hotel security figured out the frat’s plans and unceremoniously canceled their reservation. Better luck next year, boys.
But SAE wasn’t the only one to get the boot this past weekend. After their rush date party, we hear one St. A’s boy was hooking up with his date and requested that she put her boots back on. He proceeded to lick and kiss the weirded–out girl’s shoes, but not the insoles because, as he put it “they are dirty.” Yuck. Excuse us while we go take a shower.
Speaking of showers, one junior girl at Soiree on Sunday decided she couldn’t make it to the bathroom and peed on a Palmer chair instead. Although she thought the plush material would soak up her little accident, she was left with a huge wet spot and had to flee the scene. This leaves us all with the burning question: what did she use to wipe?
Till next week…
