This article is a part of the the Fall 2011 Joke Issue: Real Housewives of 34th Street.
To be a good guest:
Tell your host whether you’re attending. More importantly, tell her if you’ll be eating solid foods today. Be on time. Inappropriately early is the new fashionably late. Be a willing participant. Always help stir the pot — take that as you will. Offer to help when you can. Extra hands on the table tip it faster. Don’t overindulge. Three bites is two bites too many. Thank the host twice. Especially for the chunk of hair that she ripped from your scalp.
Invite clearly. Disinvite more clearly. Plan well. Is this a cocktail party or social sabotage masquerading as a cocktail party? The distinction is vital. Remain calm. Stress equals wrinkles. Keep your guests feeling welcome. When it becomes appropriate to reveal intimate details of their personal lives, timing is key. Be flexible and gracious. Always offer second seventh cocktails. In terms of the first part, everyone from here to Mozambique with access to Google knows you’re flexible. Be appreciative. Smile and thank your guests for any gifts they might bring; remember to save gift receipts.
