Song: "On Display" - Melissa Gorgo Choice Lyric: "I can feel the weight of the world pushing down on me" Message: I'm hot and I'm not going anywhere (sorry I'm not sorry, Teresa). Sounds Like: Something that would be remixed at a Theos party. Best Listened to When: In da (strip) club. Overall Rating: 3/10 - Not even recording this in her home studio could help this overcooked mess.
Song: "Tardy for the Party" - Kim Zolciak Choice Lyric: "I'll be feeling good by 9 after my third glass of wine" Message: Basically, don't be late, because I'm already here looking hot. Sounds Like: A cow dying over a surprisingly danceable beat. Best Listened to When: Waiting for your very own Big Poppa to meet you at Whisper. Overall Rating: 6/10 - OK, the vocals are rough, but the beat is enough to earn it a spot on Pottruck spinning playlists.
Song: "Money Can't Buy You Class" -Luann de Lesseps Choice Lyric: "And the primary mistake, texting on a date, if you make a lady wait she'll take a pass" Message: Money can't buy you class, and elegance is learned. I have both. Sounds Like: Musical menopause. Best Listened to When: Downing a bottle of merlot. Alone. Overall Rating: 4/10 - The lyrics are shockingly delusional, and the "singing" is cringeworthy.
Song: "Chic C'est La Vie" - Luann de Lesseps Choice Lyric: "Life is but a dream, when every day your living in is featured on TV" Message: My life is so fabulous I can only sing about it in [bad] French. Sounds Like: A drag queen doing spoken word over a vaguely Euro–beat. Best Listened to When: Chilling by the pool with caviar and Clicquot, probably at a Sandals resort. Overall Rating: 5/10 - At least Luann has a better grasp on her limits here, but seriously, this is talking over a half–baked beat.
Song: "Fly Above" - Kandi Burruss" Choice Lyric: "If people jealous cause you live yo life, then go and throw your hands up in the sky" Message: I'm the only housewife with a viable music career/modicum of talent. Sounds Like: A Destiny's Child b–side. She's got a Grammy for a reason. Best Listened to When: You're fed up with another untalented housewife releasing a single. Overall Rating: 8/10 - It won't hit #1 anytime soon, but at least she can sing.
