The Texter What to get: Texting gloves from agloves.com ($17.99) Why: They seem to subsist on those jingly incoming text message noises. Cold shouldn’t get in the way.
The Listserv Spammer What to get: Non–texting gloves Why: Slow down their inarticulate little fingers with bulky mittens.
The Dental Student What to get: Panasonic ER421KC Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer ($15) Why: Prevent a problem before it starts, and everyone wins. Nothing trims hair like the ER421KC.
The Guy Who’s Name You Always Forget What to get: Monogrammed Hat from Land's End ($21.50) Why: If that still doesn’t work, you have a neurological problem.
The RA What to get: Earmuffs Why: So they can stay warm and toasty and oblivious.
The TA You Have A Crush On What to get: Hit on them, not subtly. Why: Life is more exciting this way. You are only young once.
The Pothead What to get: A Wawa giftcard Why: Munchies, 24/7. And at such a reasonable price! No matter what state of mind they’re in, this is a good deal.
The Person You Just Shouted Out What to get: A dozen warm Insomnia Cookies ($12) Why: You’ve just subjected them to a semester’s supply of shame. They probably developed PTSD, poor thing. The least you can do is give them a cookie.
The Tutor What to get: Nothing. Why: No gifts — they need to focus. Your grades depend on it, goddamnit!
