This Thanksgiving dinner, Lowbrow will be thinking about many things during Grace: midnight strolls through the BioPond, Swedish Fish, pterodactyl porn, world peace, and people who send us raunchy Shoutouts from their school emails (hey, Julian). But if you were wondering what others on campus are thankful for, look no further. (You're welcome.)
McDonald’s: for PhiDi shutting down. Insecure seniors: for Cultural Elite. Unoriginal social chairs: for the Occupy movement. Chickens: for turkeys. Turkeys: for vegetarians. Penn students with Twitters: for #firstworldproblems. Wonderbread: for Penn football games. Nosy Jewish mothers: for Foursquare. “Not Penn State” shirt sales: for Penn State. The LOVE statue’s PG rating: for Ben Franklin’s PG–13 and The Button’s R. Penn Dental School: for The Bachelorette. Procrastinating Penn students: for advance registration. Four: for Glenn Coco. (You go, Glenn Coco!) You: for the relief provided to you at Van Pelt’s bathroom by Michael Zinman. Mask & Wig: for Bloomers. Sperries: for PhiDelt. Leggings: for JAPs. Jorts: for white trash parties. Freshmen: for Copa Wednesdays. Walk–of–shamers: for a repaved Locust. My father: for nothing. Everyone: for Shoutouts.
More from Lowbrow: Top Ten Thanksgiving Pick-Up Lines Rant (and Rebuttal) of the Week
