TOASTS:
We tend to attribute manipulative cunning to Wharton kids alone, but we’re all capable of cheating the system to our advantage. Toasts to those who got clever this week.
We hear a Beta guy leveraged his Microsoft job offer into fun for the whole brotherhood. Apparently the software company wanted him so badly that when he said he would only take the job if they gave interviews or internships to his friends, they agreed. Props to you, Beta dude! Way to look out for your bros. We hope for your sake Bill Gates likes keg stands and other displays of general fratitude.
This past weekend, one Theos dude took doing research for his URBS thesis from awful to awesome. Instead of researching in the library like the rest of us, the senior hit up Smoke’s and did an ethnographic study of bar behavior until 2 a.m. Wait, since when does Smoke’s count as studying? Now we’re all mixed up.
ROASTS:
College is a time to figure yourself out and discover who you truly are. Roasts to those who masqueraded this week as something they’re not.
A few Tridelt girls, while brainstorming for their Woodser t–shirts, suggested the slogan “Shake That Bear,” a reference to a porno involving sex on a dead bear. Don’t Google it… or don’t say we didn’t warn you. This prompted one junior to angrily protest, explaining that her reputation as a good, Christian girl would be tarnished by the shirt. Sorry, girlfriend, but you gave up the innocent rep when you signed your bid card.
The Freshman class board had fun pretending to be a senior society this weekend when they were paired up and sent off on a scavenger hunt for things like a Pottruck towel, Greek Lady napkins, a dildo and a vuvuzela. We always knew kids joined class board desperately seeking acceptance and self–worth, but a dildo is an interesting addition to the list.
