As children raised by Wiccan parents who celebrated Samhain in lieu of Halloween for the first 18 October 31sts of our lives, we at Lowbrow want to make up for lost time and salvage any remnants of a proper childhood while we still can. That’s why this year we decided to dress up like our cool, better–looking cousin, Highbrow… only sluttier.
TOASTS “Highbrow” here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Penn’s elite. Toasts to the people who took the road less traveled this week; it has made all the difference.
Kudos to the Theta Tau senior caught having sex with a robot in the Engineering Quad. We guess robots are people (R2D)too? To whoever scheduled Parents’ Weekend during Halloween, you’re great at your job. We can’t wait to see all the slutty Von Trapp families walking around. We salute you, malnourished vegan, who chat–and–cut a record six people in the Magic Carpet line to get your coveted veggie burger last Friday. Your method is so cutthroat — we’re surprised you don’t like red meat.
ROASTS Roasts to the folks who didn’t get the memo; you almost made fetch happen… but then you didn’t.
One Kings Court freshman finally separated himself from the herd, securing a fake ID and an entrance to Smoke’s. Things got awkward when he knew no one there. Next time, say hi to us! Shame on the Wharton junior who found out yesterday that sushi at Houston is not actually free. Similarly, we shake our heads at the “big–boned” sophomore who just realized that Pottruck is not a new food cart on campus selling edibles.
In other news, it’s Halloween at Penn. Where’s Waldo? Everywhere.
More from Lowbrow: Overheard at Penn: Lowbrow Edition Word on the Street: Lowbrow Edition True Life: Lowbrow Edition
