TOASTS Oz & Phi Delt’s exclusive wristband–only party was one of the best of NSO, but they failed in their ultimate goal of keeping the frosh out. Maybe the goal was to keep certain freshmen out? On a side note, if you’re still wearing your shiny pink wristband, get a grip. It’s been weeks; cut that shit off. Major snaps to Ben & Jerry’s for advertising their new flavor, Schweddy Balls, loud and proud on the window of their shop. The flavor includes rum flavored vanilla ice cream, malted milk balls and fudge covered rum, which all sounds delicious. Put that in your cone and eat it.
ROASTS This first T&R would not be complete without a blurb about freshmen acting like idiots, so here goes: A group of UA wannabe freshmen has decided to dub themselves “The Dream Team" and live tweet their campaign, weeks before it has even begun. Quit while you’re ahead, kiddos. Right now, you only have six followers to ridicule your pre–campaign antics. We wouldn’t recommend trying to gather many more. Maybe a nice YouTube video or some pretty posters would serve just as well? On the other hand, abandoning all self–awareness and humility is the first step to winning a UA position, so you guys may be on the right track.
Speaking of Penn kids getting way too aggressive, Theos guys have been getting violent lately. At last Thursday’s downtown, we’re told three Theos bros ganged up on one Castle guy, leaving him needing a root canal and nasal surgery. Ouch. The next night at Smoke’s, another Theos brother threw punches resulting in a full on bar brawl. Cut the crap, guys. Can’t we all just get along? We liked you better during NSO, when you were shirtless sunbathing in front of your senior house. Make love, not war.
