’Twas the eve before Independence when the Founding Fathers and I stopped by Sir Cavanaugh’s tavern to indulge in some barrel stands. I was on my second round when Miss Jizzebel Jenkins entered.
My (EUPHEMISM FOR A MAN'S YOGURT–SHOOTER) at the sight of her buxom figure, so I approached her person and asked, (YE OLDE PICK–UP LINE). We promptly returned to my manor thereafter and engaged in (ACT OF SEXUAL DEVIANCE) in the parlor once I declared, (FILTHY BEDCHAMBER SPEECH).
Alas, this did not sate her appetite, so I took her to the bedchamber and titillated her (EUPHEMISM FOR A LADY'S FLOWER) with (SEXUAL CONTRAPTION). I Chesapeaked.
Euphemisms for a Man's Yogurt–SHOOTER Bayonet fired Benedict betrayed me Minuteman come to attention Flag unfurled Kite rose
Ye Olde Pick–Up Lines “'Tis time for thine monthly shower, shall I scrub thee?” “You know, Paul Revere isn’t the only one up for a midnight ride…” “Are you a Tory? ‘Cause you’re occupying my heart.”
Acts of Sexual Deviance The Seamstress The Reverse–Seamstress Lobsterbacking Sloop–Docking The “American Revolution” Crossing the Delaware
Filthy Bedchamber Speech “I’d like to dump my teabags into your harbor.” “Girl, you’re dirtier than my chamber pot.” “Make like John and put your Han’ on my cock.”
Euphemisms for A Lady’s Flower Spangled Banner Independence Hall Bald Eagle Valley Forge Church of England Sweet Virginia
Sexual Contraptions A Quill Wooden Teeth A Lightning Rod Tar and Feathers A Steam–Powered Vibrator Leech–Clamps
