After last week’s “explosive christening” (thanks for the terminology, Melissa), the Real Housewives of New Jersey are back, and the Halloween music can only mean one thing: the return of Kim G., the official goblin of Franklin Lakes. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves and skip over Jacqueline’s pumpkin carving party and the dinner Kathy hosts for Joe and Melissa. Actually, let’s; the only things to note are that the Posche fashion show, a.k.a. the site of the hair pull heard round the turnpike, is back, and the Gorgas apparently like to dress like to wear cat burglar outfits to dinner.
The episode’s real action begins with the return of the Kims (D. and G.) at Melissa’s fitting at Posche, a place that looks more like a walk-in closet than a clothing store. Kim G., former Danielle Staub archenemy, current paramour of Michael Lohan and eternal instigator, shows that she hasn’t changed at all, calling out Teresa for her “fat, crooked ass.” Thankfully, they’ll both be in attendance at the fashion show, which will naturally take place this year at the White House of New Jersey, the Brownstone. Caroline shows up at the only other retail establishment in Franklin Lakes, Chateau, to show off her daughter’s makeup counter, but honestly, who cares?
It’s suddenly Halloween, and Teresa has decided to channel her inner Wonder Woman as “Super T,” and she forces Gabriella and Milania to carry her cape and run behind her, which Gia appropriately calls out as embarrassing. The elder three girls are dressed as pop stars, while baby Audriana is a gym teacher. Let’s play guess the black sheep. Over at the Gorga residence, Melissa has obviously found the tightest leather costume possible, while Joe embraces his stature and attempts to pull off his version of Snooki. Aside from the Adam’s apple and bulging biceps, it’s an uncanny transformation.
The Gorga crew, including the Kims and Kathy, as one of the Na’Vi, heads out to 4Sixty6, “one of the hottest clubs in Northern Jersey,” even though it looks more like a glorified rec center. Dancing in his dress, Joe looks even more ridiculous than before, and Kim G. continues to try to stir shit up, but the club is generally pretty pathetic. Meanwhile, Jacqueline and Teresa spend the afternoon drinking champagne and talking about walking in the upcoming fashion show. Sounds like the life, right?
Over at the Brownstone, preparations for the big event are well underway, as the models (and Kathy?) get ready in a back room. Kathy and Melissa do their best to cozy up to Caroline, but Teresa’s having none of it, calling the self-appointed Queen of Family away from her relatives/adversaries. The event begins with some awkward socializing, and Kim D. plays dumb when Kim G. fraternizes with Melissa. The most starting revelation comes from Caroline, who not only says that Kim G. is 54 and she is 49. Clearly, things don’t age well in Jersey. Three of the housewives walk the runway, and they’re all varying degrees of horrific, although Melissa takes the cake, as she walks twice in a row in an ill-fitting cockatoo ensemble. Following the fashion show, the event turns into a Giudice family reunion, with Teresa’s mother and mother-in-law showing up. Knowing the history of such gatherings, Kathy moves in for the kill, grilling Teresa on last week’s shenanigans. Of course, Teresa doesn’t take too kindly to this, and with Caroline, who is also Queen of the Brownstone, by her side, she quickly diffuses the situation.
Next week, Teresa’s family feud continues, and she butchers the pronunciation of “ingredients,” Caroline makes death threats, and Ashley, the most unbearable Housewife spawn of all time, struggles with coming from a broken family. Sounds like another standard week in Jersey.
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