Baby’s a huge YouTube kid. Babies are practically popping out of the womb already with a Twitter account these days, and we can’t say we don’t indulge our little one every once in a while. But the other day, after a sesh on the computer, we sensed something was wrong. Baby was shaking slightly, whimpering and so hot to the touch. We suspected the worst; after all, we could only shelter Baby for so long. It was inevitable: Baby had Bieber fever.
“Baby baby baby oh! Like baby baby baby no! Baby baby baby oh! I thought you’d always be mine.” From then on, the words to Justin Bieber’s love song “Baby” echoed through the nursery day and night. Baby was convinced the words were sung for Baby and Baby alone; that the two were meant to spend an eternity together, frolicking in zip–up hoodies and shaking their luscious sweeping locks in the wind.
It was getting harder and harder to keep Baby from seeing the tabloids. Bieber and Selena Gomez were seen first holding hands, and then an innocent kiss was shared. Baby had to know. A cry. A toddler’s first heartbreak.
Now Baby rues the day that we christened it with such a common name. Baby can’t stand other chart–toppers such as “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” which Baby finds offensive, or “Baby Got Back,” which oddly arouses Baby.
Still, Baby looks forward to a brighter day, when Never Say Never hits theaters, and Baby can relive its first love in all his 3D glory.
