Joke Issue:
Hello hello, Cholly here!
Good morrow ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another fine week in the year 1934. It’s been a rather tumultuous week, particularly in light of the Regatta that took place on Saturday on the Schyulkill. The men of Penn were in fine form, and we don’t mean the rowers! Wink.
After fishing out a stranded (and somewhat inebriated) Mermaid from the depths of the river, many a lad was seen cavorting guilelessly around the impromptu picnic brunch that took place around the water works complex near boathouse row. The workers, seemingly confused, kicked the boys out hastily, but not before sampling the punch … Apologies Philadelphia, if your spickets were spouting moonshine.
These events were quickly cast aside, however, when a gaggle of gents in the quad decided to yell: Rowbottom! Yes, you read correctly: the biggest Rowbottom display of the past four years rattled campus this past Tuesday. Scantily–clad men streamed out of the Quadrangle, smashing anything and everything in sight, including fire hydrants, car windows and the bottles they had just polished off. A certain Ginger–headed Aussie was even seen swinging from the Penn Hotel’s chandeliers, squawking like a monkey.
Sixty–five of our fellow comrades fell to the harsh hands of the law, and things were looking grim. Well, until the Dean Wetherhill stormed the precinct and announced that all students had examinations promptly at 9 a.m. the following morning and simply could not spend the evening in jail. And of course, the jailers complied.
Upon their release, instead of being penitent, the boys merely ran down their halls, tripping many a fire alarm, and sipped drinks at old campus favorite, Smokey’s Joseph’s.
Cholly. Over and Out. Although, you didn’t hear it from me.
