Joke Issue:

The Dearest Father in Heaven knows it is a grand trick for a university man to manage his social situations with class and grace — perhaps even trickier than explaining bathing to a bearded Spaniard! Here are two rubes, one from our fair Pennsylvania campus and the other a randy Drexel lad, to explain everything from polite church decorum to panty raids. Please ready thyself to brush up on thine etiqutte!

Question: What do you do when somebody ‘cuts’ in front of you in a breadline?

Drexel Gent: I give him a ripe kick in the arse is what I do! And if that does not teach him sufficiently, I do as me Irish grandpap taught me and box him straight in the ears and the jollymaker. I hope the cur can still enjoy his rations while he’s lying unconscious in a pool of blood, ho ho!

Quaker Cad: Lo, what a question! I am much too dainty for squabbles and haymakers and such. So I would simply drop to my knees and give a solemn prayer to our Lord in heaven that the rascal may find his loaf of bread to be full of mouse droppings and typhoid. That ought to teach the beast!