During the cab ride back from the new Roger Theroneux restaurant, Zwopflop (don’t miss the pan seared celery stalks with wheat grass reduction; skip the truffled California duck heart), my friends and I returned to a well-worn subject of debate — what flavors currently excite our refined, sophisticated palates?
Geraldine turned from her place in the passenger seat to describe to us in vivid detail the savory, meaty taste known as umami. Xi Lao explained her current obsession with all things blood orange. And I, of course, made the case for my long-time favorite flavor: red.
“Everyone, close your eyes,” I said, “and imagine you’re ripping open a new sleeve of Starbursts. Tell me what you’re excited to see. I know it’s not yellow.”
“Obviously,” said Christopher St. Bernard, still tipsy from his spiked clam juice smoothie.
I continued: “You'll enjoy the orange and pink ones, but your taste buds will nearly explode at just the sight of those bright red wrappers. If red is like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, then the other flavors are like the three books that came before it!”
After a brief pause for laughter, I went on to explain that Starbursts aren’t the only royal food family in which red is the king. Skittles, Gatorade, Jelly Bellies, Wine. The best flavor of each is red. Tomatoes, apples, M&Ms — if you’re eating those and they’re not red, you might as well be eating the braised and poached venison with hibiscus-lobster marmalade from Jefferson Lowry’s so-called 5-star restaurant, Bolus.
I finished my argument as we returned to our rooms in Gregory, and it was clear I had won them over. Having once again proven that I am the sharpest member of this modern day foodie Algonquin Round Table, I was granted the privilege of choosing the next night’s dinner location. I decided on a small, out of the way seafood bistro that I’m hoping will deliver on my favorite flavor: The Red Lobster.
[Ed. Note. This stuff is all made up.]
