Dear ladies, I hope you had a lovely Spring Break. R&B go-getter Bobby V. approves of this yearly pilgrimage to the sexiest, sweatiest party locales south of the border. Oh, does he ever. Your boy Bobby V. just hopes you followed Professor Valentine’s Three Laws For A Sexy Spring Break. They are as follows: Bodacious Shorties, Body Shots and Bobby’s Stomach.
Obviously if you are reading this column, you are operating under the guidelines of Law One. I can picture you right now - a genuine, certified, wanna-ride?, bodacious-ass shorty — and it waters my mouth. Girl, that mouth’s getting watered like it’s St. Valentino’s luscious lawn on a Sunday morning.
Law Two may be even more important. Spring Break exists first-and-foremostly for the consumption of alcohol tinged with the sweet nectar of body sweat. That, of course, is where Law Three comes into play. I very much hope you took that body shot off the six hardest abs ever to reach #2 on Billboard’s Hot Rap Tracks chart. Because I, R&B young gun Bobby V-Tino, attended Spring Break and could not go five minutes without having liquor licked out of my world-famous innie. The price for that life changing experience? Why, only the cellular phone number of the lucky lady taking that shot.
So if you are reading this and I have your phone number, do not worry. It may not be tonight, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be until the eve of next year’s flight on Tino’s private jet to Spring Break, but I will call. Not only will I call, but you will pick up and we will hook up. I’ve pimped all over this world but I’ve never once forgotten to call a booty screaming out for a booty call. I ain’t about to start now, so put on something nice and stay by the phone. Your world will be rocked by R&B’s finest, aka Bobby Vacation, soon enough.
Ed Note: This section is completely fictional.
