After the Times outed the Ivy Plus Society as the ultimate pretentious dating pool — appropriate pedigree required — we thought we’d round up similarly gauche happenings on and around campus. We give you a small selection of the socially unacceptable dating deceit in our midst.
CHEERIO, MATE! Some say the fastest way to a hottie’s heart is through a foreign accent. But beware: we’ve spotted some international posers lurking around Penn’s campus. So even when you’re at some techno-pumping house party and hear that hot British intonation, make sure to run a mini-background check. Are the uber-skinny jeans she’s rocking an American label? Is there a crowd of frat brothers high-fiving in the background? Does her accent fade with each cocktail she knocks back? If you find yourself falling for that untidy hair and charming accent as she whispers, “Want to go back to my flat dah-ling?” — be prepared for a rude awakening come morning.
CMOE TO SMKOESSSSS!!!! Drunk texting is so last semester. What’s all the rage at the moment is the faux drunk text. The common symptoms? Misspelling words intentionally, blabbering about your uncontrollable urge to share your emotions with everyone whose PIN you acquired last weekend and waiting to send that heartfelt romantic revelation until the hour “seems appropriate.” We’ve witnessed this phenomenon on multiple occasions, and it seems to be sweeping campus. All we have to say is: Wr donts evenfs kneow wcats goinsg on rightsn ow!
SO, WHERE IS EVERYONE? It’s last call and everyone’s starting to make their move outside the bar. The guy you’ve been eyeing all night casually mentions an off-campus late night — and the night is still young, right? But after braving the cold to get there, you show up and it’s completely empty. No loud music, no red cups, nada. Even if your host seems legitimately surprised, high-tail it out of there: this guy’s just a player with a lame excuse to lure you to his lair.
