A Summer of Experience
A Semi-autobiographical Account of My Life
By Rachel Stern-Stein
After months spent cruising through the coiling canals of corporate America — spreadsheets, progress reports, photocopies, filing cabinets and arch nemeses named Chastity — Rachel had seemingly successfully reached her ultimate destination: the oh-so-crucial final PowerPoint presentation and Intern Evals. Prior to judgment day, Rachel’s life (a.k.a. love life, a.k.a. Craig, a.k.a. <3 <3 <3) had been going about as smoothly as a sailboat gliding along the coast of Nantucket with low wind shear, high visibility and northeasterly winds billowing through the sails. Craig’s willingness to attend happy hour with Rachel clearly indicated their impending marriage (oh, how sweet Mrs. Rachel Stern-Stein-Clooney sounds); Geldman posted $3.44 mil profits, clearly due to her impeccable spread-sheet filling abilities; and she hadn’t had a bad hair day or broken a nail in three weeks. Things were looking up. Until today.
Dressed to impress, Rachel entered the boardroom, zip drive in hand. As she plugged into the USB port, those same tummy-flutters she had experienced on Day One reemerged. But why should she worry? She’d gone over the presentation 12 times (first slide: goals, second slide: progress, third slide: Excel, and so on.). Slide one popped up on the projector: a 105x140 inch picture of marital bliss, “RACHEL + CRAIG 4EVA,” as huge as her feelings for Craig, accompanied the mock-up marriage photo between the future Mr. and Mrs. Rachel Stern-Stein-Clooney. She must’ve grabbed the wrong zip drive!
Rachel S-S didn’t get an offer at Geldman. Craig bailed on happy hour. She broke a nail. But life didn’t suck because her resume still had that shining gem, Geldman Socks Summer Intern, and, as a bonus, she’d left Chastity a nice parting gift on her desk. Rachel S-S: 1, Chastity: 0.
THE END.
