There's something about those slanted aisles of FroGro that makes you wonder: who's around the corner? And more importantly, what do they look like? Because chances are, if they're moderately attractive, you've got a shot at love (thanks, Tila!). In a surprising - and somewhat disturbing - turn of events, FroGro is proving to be more than just a place where you can be greeted by a masturbating homeless person who invites you to join him in some fun; the 40th Street staple is steadily establishing itself as a maze of polystyrene cups and vegan soy ice cream where, if you're lucky enough, you might just meet your future soulmate. If you've grown bored with the overrated hook-up scene or if your usual hangout is Van Pelt, then FroGro might just be the place for you. Because it's kinda like Rosengarten (homeless people included), but without the pseudo-intellectual pretense.
Always ahead of the curve, Street is here to decode this new dating scene so that you too can hop on the calorific bandwagon and have yourself a feeding frenzy.
The FroGro Café speed dating scene:
Sure, it may be a little awkward considering you're essentially in a glass box, but it's a fast and effective way to have a casual first date. Quick, easy and painless, the cashier-pickup routine is key: accidentally bump into the selected individual and ask him or her to escort you for a quick coffee in the nether regions of FroGro. Your potential date will either be freaked out by your rhetoric (in which case you know they lack an adequate sense of humor) or they will accompany you. Either way, there's an easy means of escaping in case it starts getting awkward: suavely excuse yourself and get the fuck out of there. Numbers were never swapped, remember?
The aisle-stalking scene:
There was a time when finding your way around FroGro meant navigating away from the aisle that houses feminine hygiene products, so as to avoid an awkward run-in with that cute guy from Chem. But nowadays, there are three golden rules:
1. Avoid the baked goods aisle. Emotionally fragile people looking to find solace in comfort food are hardly a viable option for your next long-lasting, non-dysfunctional relationship.
2. Avoid the girl with lettuce and no-fat, no-sugar, no-fun yogurt in her basket. She's probably a raging bitch.
3. Avoid the Solo cup section, if for no other reason than that it's the frat boy's hangout of choice.
The romantic
post-date scene:
So, you've just had a magical date. You stared lovingly into each others' eyes, you awkwardly fondled hands and you even demonstrated how, when excited, Carlo Rossi can shoot out of your nose. Now what? Well, FroGro aisle trolling, of course! There's something oddly romantic about shopping for your hypothetical life together without having to commit to anything more than a 12-pack of Diet Coke and (maybe) some Cool Whip. After all, nothing says "I love you" quite like Cool Whip.
