I came to the University of Pennsylvania with the goal of becoming an economics major. I had never taken an econ class before, but it seemed like the most concrete option for a College student such as myself who fears the possibility of living a poverty-stricken life. Towards the beginning of my semester in Introduction to Microeconomics taught by the illustrious Rebecca Stein, I learned that most economic theories are based upon the assumption that individuals are rational when it comes to making decisions about what to purchase. It is at this point that I should have realized that econ was not the right area of study for me. I am, by no means, a rational economic agent. I buy very stupid things and for very stupid reasons.
The best example of this goes by the name of Fred. Fred, for those of you who are unaware, is the name of a new brand of bottled water sold locally at 7-Eleven. The bottle is shaped vaguely like a large flask and bears the name "Fred," underlined by two squiggly blue lines. As soon as I noticed the bottle, I was mesmerized. What kind of name is "Fred" for a bottle of water? Why is it shaped like a flask? Why is it the most expensive bottle of water in the store? These questions fascinated me, and I had no choice but to purchase the product.
I am by no means a water snob. To my palate, there is no difference between Evian and Aquafina. Yet still, I forked over close to two bucks for this ridiculous bottle of water, simply because of its name and its shape. What's even worse is that ever since that initial purchase, I have become a loyal Fred customer.
In addition to being a trendy bottle of water, the Fred phenomenon also has a Web site, www.fredspot.com. I was hoping that the Web site would offer me some added insight into understanding the mysterious product that is Fred, but the Web site has in fact only left me even more puzzled. It includes brief, strange writings about various topics and is peppered with photos and videos that oftentimes offer inexplicable glimpses of Fred (the water bottle, that is) interacting with society and nature. After exploring the site, I have come to the conclusion that Fred must be some kind of cult, possibly connected to Scientology. By frequently over-paying for this unnecessary product, I seem to be subsidizing this potentially dangerous organization/corporation/religion. I'm willing to accept this, however, because it is the only bottled water that is kind of shaped like a flask and that is called Fred.
The moral of this story is that I am a slave to consumerism. This is simply a fact. Whoever is behind the Fred phenomenon has successfully predicted that there are people in America who are stupid enough to pay exorbitant amounts of money for bottled water because of its shape and name. I find solace in the fact that my peers are just as pathetic as I am. One of my roommates recently purchased a product from the makers of Mike 'n' Ike that claims to be a liquid form of the popular candy. It comes in a small bottle, and you spray the Mike 'n' Ike-flavored liquid directly into your mouth. My roommate basically paid $2 for a very small bottle of sour grape juice, simply because the packaging convinced him that he was trying something new and exciting. Another friend of mine purchased a bottle of Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper due to the pleasantly designed bottle and intriguing flavor description. When she offered me a taste, I discovered that Diet Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper pretty much tastes like poop.
I criticized both of my friends for falling victim to the whims of advertising executives who take advantage of the stupidity of the American people. The reality, however, is that I am just as bad. I have a box of Fred water sitting in my bedroom and no adequate justification for its presence. Although I can't offer a rationalization as to why I continue to purchase this worthless product, it's nice to know that I'm not the only person out there suffering from the disease of consumerism.
