1. When you suddenly get the urge to go hang out at Woody's.
2. When you flirt with your girlfriend and you make fun of her as a joke, because you really don't care about her feelings.
3. When you find yourself saying, "You're wrong, I could easily fuck her, if only I wasn't dating ____."
4. When your girlfriend's body heat begins to annoy you, making it hard to fall asleep next to her.
5. When you have a dream where you are scuba diving and you lose one of your fins and start quickly sinking down into the ocean depths, violently struggling with your feet to slow your descent. You let your oxygen tank go and quickly pull your emergency ascent cord, but alas, the underwater pressure is too great to counteract the emergency buoyancy air. Your three-mile, downward trip is irreversibly underway.
6. When there's no eye contact during sex.
7. When your friends talk about you behind your back to their friends about how annoying it is that you bother them late at night with your emotional phone calls.
8. When whiskey dick sets in and you haven't even been drinking.
9. When you want to fuck the shit out of a group of high schoolers touring the campus.
10. When your dick begins working Sudoku puzzles to pass the time.
