Embellishing resumes is something for which we are all guilty. After all, who didn't spin that occasional trip to their grandparents' retirement home into a full-fledged community service project... all in the hopes of securing a revered space in Penn's freshman class? Now the stakes are even higher. How else are you going to get that soul-sucking job at Goldman/Lehman/insert god-awful investment banking firm here? It's time to read between the li(n)es and see what you've actually accomplished. Take that, Career Services.
ON YOUR RESUME:
Activities
Penn Music Mentors
CityStep Dance
Leadership Experience
Wharton I-Banking Club
Director, Green Campus
Partnership
Research
Independent Study on Infectious Diseases in Southwest Asian Populations
Service and Volunteer Experience
West Philadelphia Improvement Corps: spearheaded
Urban Hunger Initiative
Employment
General Manager at local bistro: co-authored and
implemented strategic marketing strategy proposal
Retail Sales Employee: in charge of inventory control
Skills
Computer: Proficient in Database and Web Publishing
Applications
Languages: Fluent in Japanese
Personal
Interested in Amateur Photography
IN REALITY:
Activities
Teaches fraternity brothers to play tracks on Guitar Hero II
Saw Stomp the Yard three times at the Bridge
Leadership Experience
Drinks Banker's Club
Distributor, Marijuana
Research
Contracted Mono from the Persian guy in Castle
Service and Volunteer Experience
Donates leftover Gia Pronto salad to the homeless man outside Wawa daily
Employment
Busboy at Marathon for two weeks: suggested fraudulent
advertisement of frozen yogurt as "fat-free" to increase profits
American Apparel, Salesperson: separates stripes and solids
Skills
Computer: 10+ Hours/Week Spent Stalking Ex-Boyfriend on Facebook
Frequents Pod Sushi Bar
Personal
Takes pictures of students having sex in the windows of high-rise buildings
