Passengers revolted after being told to fly on a jet with its wing tip missing. Engineers defend themselves, say, "At least there were no mother fuckin' snakes on the mother fuckin' plane."
Time Magazine reports that Facebook has become more popular than porn. Mark Zuckerberg plans Penthouse debut; not sure if he is prepared for anal.
A Connecticut company has begun marketing bottled water to dogs. Perrier counters with sparkling water for fish.
A Washington D.C. man set a bouncer on fire at a strip club this week. Man decided to act when people wouldn't stop making it rain.
Pirates off the shore of Nairobi, Kenya have warned the US to halt attempts to rescue a hijacked Japanese vessel. "Cuz we've got, like, canons, and shit."
The New England Patriots beat the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday to remain undefeated. Despite World Series and Celtics Big Three, Boston fans still bitching.
It has been determined that Dick Cheney is the eighth cousin of Barack Obama. Dennis Kucinich and Shaq compare family trees.
Walmart has begun selling Jesus dolls that recite bible verses. Iran responds with "Jihad Me Elmo" to debut during holiday season.
