So maybe you aren't one of His chosen people, but that shouldn't stop you from getting a free trip to the holy land, right?
The Application
Question 1: Are you Jewish?
Accept lack of morality. Check yes.
Question 2: Mom's maiden name?
She's obviously not a Jew. Easy solution. tag on one of the following suffixes: -berg, -farb, -witz, -stein or -gold.
The Interview
Question 3: What temple did you go to growing up?
Prepare early for this question. That girl from your Comm class is from Short Hills. ask her where she was Bat Mitzvahed.
Question 4: What's your favorite holiday?
Everyone says Hanukkah. Throw them off, go with Rosh Hashanah. It's kind of like New Years. Only it's not.
The Trip
L'chaim, bitches. Cover your shoulders and your knees and get on that plane. Girls, it's a desert out there, get yourselves a long denim skirt and some pants for underneath. Boys, borrow your mom's curling iron for your sideburns. Enjoy the land of absinthe, falafel and AK-47-toting soldiers. And that religious shit too.
