1. You can bring your dog to work, even if it's ugly.
2. You're never more than 100 ft. from a snack.
3. Free massages.
4. Free t-shirts ALL THE TIME. (We wash them for you too!)
5. Access to the Illuminati listserv (no spam plz! (unless they are LOLcatz)).
6. The egg came first (we'll tell you why).
7. Opium den.
8. Cockfights on the hour, every hour - already programmed into your Google alerts.
9. You can gchat with God.
10. We print our own currency.
11. The laws of physics no longer apply to you.
12. Chuck Norris is in the cubicle next to you. The location doesn't matter; he WILL be beside you. He's looking at you right now.
13. You'll be able to divide by 0.
14. We already dug a hole to China; now it's a water slide. (Google bathing suits included.)
15. We masturbate for you.
