With the temperature beginning to drop like 5th classes in our second week back at Penn, we at Sweeper suggest a change of wardrobe and style.
Fall's fashionable pussy magnet is, ironically, the pussy. Everywhere we look, baby cats are raining from the sky into the caring and sensitive hands of our male undergrads: a junior male with dyed faux-hawk was seen this week staking out a conspicuous piece of High Rise green with two kittens. Na've females lured by the adorable felines were treated to a courageous tale of their rescue and relocation from DKE's flooding basement to his single in Harnwell College House. Girls, don't be fooled by this Major Guile look-a-like, MySpace says he doesn't want kids.
Employing a similar style of game, one OZ junior spinster was spotted leaving his 4200 Pine luxury apartment, kissing a pint-sized Puss bundled in his arms. After chatting up some impressionable girls, he and the undersized cat proceeded to enter his ostentatiously oversized Cadillac. Give him some credit; at least he got a little pussy in that Escalade.
In a New York Minute: A double vision pair of already notorious freshman waifs are turning heads with their scandalous behavior. When inquiring which sororities to pledge to a Tri Delt junior, they were given the response that Theta and Tabard were both pretty good, if a little coked out (Tri Delt is apparently down on itself this year). This Olsen twins redux replied in full sincerity: "Thats good to know. We love to do lines."
And apparently coke isn't the only thing this tandem loves to blow, as the two were seen taking a walk-of-shame together from the same international house on Sunday morning. FYI girls, foreign guys' houses don't count as countries visited in Facebook's "Where I've Been" application.
Puff, Puff, Pass: Freshmen storm Tabard on Saturday night, consume all the Banker's Club saved for Theos. Best part? Tabard prez turned back at the door by self-appointed bouncer, told "It's really full in there". Tickle Me Sophomores go buck wild at Girl Talk, Monday is the new Thursday. Last week's fire on Delancy almost burned down Skull's GREENhouse, firefighters get the munchies.
Cosmopolitan Chestnut House once again throws the weekend's best party, although below we suggest otherwise. Pi Lam gets belligerent, accuses Street in hyphy email of trying to put them "out of business." Current Pi Lam status: still in business. Phi Kappa Psi highlights their exceptional start to the year with a highlighter party - "the best idea for a party ever using bursar." Congratulations boys, you beat out Alpha Kappa Psi as the most frugally minded fraternity on campus. Well, time to become irrelevant again.
Finally, Two JAPS overheard in the stairwell of Pottruck: "Hey, is that the iPhone?" "Yeah, it fucking sucks." Tsk tsk Veruca Salt. next time Daddy will try harder.
Stephen Glass Facebook friend count: 41, and rising...
