It's a good time to be at the UPenn, where we were once #7 and are now half of #5. At least that seems to be the prevailing notion out on the Walk, where the weather is nice, if humid, and the freshmen are attractive (Thanks Dean Stetson - miss you, call me!), if awaiting the "frosh 15" - namely losing fifteen pounds in a string of Pod lettuce wraps and manic stairmaster sessions. Here, we don't gain weight like we're preggers. We lose weight like it's our soul. We're talking about Penn here, after all.
But over here at Street, we're dissatisfied. After all, everyone knows how arbitrary these numbers can be. Really, is our button any less broken? Our Green any Greener? Our history professor a little more attractive and interesting, with longer office hours and a few more articles in JSTOR? Yeah, we know. We hadn't noticed it either.
Hard to say when life at Penn. is still life at Penn. is still life at Penn (it's a still-life at Penn). Just look around. Despite an entire class leaving and an entire new one arrived, we've slid right along with the seasons: freshmen busy divvying up the Quad, sophomores passing the clap, juniors having a lonely go with all their friends abroad, and seniors engaging with OCR and Smoke's in an unfulfilling menage-a-trois. Despite our rising reputation, undergraduate life is eerily similar to how we last left it. Sure, there's different people, but they're just filling the same old roles. The scariest part? Hardly a word needed to be said.
You could call all of this ironic, we suppose, given the supposed excellence of our student body. We're supposed to be dynamic, and progressive, and smart. But we know better. We know that here at Penn, we're more concerned with our Chemise Lacoste than enacting social change. Sure, it'd be nice to switch things up, but who's supposed to do it? Us? Let's not get in over our heads. Maybe once the semester gets going, we can be the change we wish to see. But you know, it's just so much easier not to. Especially with BMOC approaching.
But no need to fret. It's nice in this bubble, isn't it? There's something comforting in having each year be identical to the last. They gave us a new number, and our freshman class is the best we've ever had!! All in all, it's a nice Whey Protein boost to our already toned ego. Things are looking up, you know, sorta like, exactly the way they looked before.
Angst? Forget it. We've already given in. So start drinking. It's going to be a(nother) great year.
