Dear Jesus,
Hey, G, what's up? It's us, the Low Brow crew. The semester is almost over, and we just wanted to check in with you. We've gotten some letters recently - some good, some not so good - and we were just wondering what the pre-reqs are for getting into your eternal seminar. Our writing samples may not be so . heavenly ... and we heard there's a waiting list. We admit, we've insulted quite a few, namely Latinas, closet-gays, alleged convicts (what up, Robb?) and whores, and we're really not sorry. But you don't like them anyway, right? Most importantly, we've never made fun of you (or rape) and we really appreciate the work you've been doing and all of your (self) sacrifice. Moravian Court is fantastic (That was you, right?)! A lot of people look to us for moral guidance, but sometimes we find ourselves wanting. Can you help us out? Here are some questions: Whole milk or soy? Are you on the extreme bus for Birthright? Is your mom really a virgin? Too soon? How big is G-d? Do all dogs seriously go to heaven? What's in bologna? WTF is up with the spelling? Why is it called a blow job? Should I blow on it? What's your stance on boob jobs? Why did you make me this way? When people don't find us funny, is that the mark of the Devil? How long until we get a Tasti D-lite? Any relation to Sunny-D? Okay, bro. Since this is the last issue, if you could just send your responses to the Penn community via Jews For Jesus, that would be super. Or send them to Greg Borgstede. He'll pass it on. Trust us.
Faithfully Yours, Low Brow
