Street: Has anyone ever told you that you looked like a celebrity? If so, who? Jim Newell: Not really, only in spurts. That crooning redhead d-bag who was on American Idol a few years back. Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. Anyone else with pasty skin, a round face and red hair. People are so fucking prejudiced.
Street: How do you stay sane? JN: Not very well.
Street: Do you consider yourself to be a marketable person? JN: Depends on the market. But no, God no. Feed me?
Street: How are you going to use that English degree? JN: If it's made of vellum, I'll pet it like I would a sheep. Oh wait, you mean like for a job? Oh . oh that's low.
Street: What are the three words you would use to describe yourself? JN: Fetching, myrmidonian and tatterdemalion.
Street: How have you changed since freshman year? JN: I went through puberty finally last year, which is great, although I'm still exploring my body.
Street: At what age are you going to peak? JN: 11.
Street: Does life get easier as you get older? JN: It gets easier to say "life is hard," and since that's all I say, I have a very easy life.
Street: Where will you be in 20 years? JN: Thirty-one years past my peak.
Street: Will you be sad to leave Penn? JN: Yeah. The best thing about Penn is that it isn't a job.
Street: What will you miss the most? JN: Greek Lady, being a lazy shit, friends. In that order. I was going to include bursar, but they already got rid of that, so like, whatever.
Street: What is your favorite Penn tradition? JN: Throwing fish oil on those junior fucks during Hey Day. I mean listening to Kenn Kweder on Hey Day. Because that's a plan that's going to work.
Street: Are you going to throw food on Hey Day? JN: No comment. I don't want to be put on cop watch. Let me say this though: The powers that be suggest we don't want to be known as the class that ruined Hey Day, but everyone wants that.
Street: Who would be your pick for graduation speaker? JN: Some creepy author, like Thomas Pynchon. I'm cool with Anita Baker though. Great tunes.
Street: Once you graduate, when is the next time you're going to come back to the Penn campus? JN: Whenever there's an open bar alumni event, so like once a week.
Street: Are your parents proud of you? JN: So they say. We go back a ways.
Street: When was the last time you pulled an all-nighter? JN: Like for work? I don't sleep a lot because I drink a lot of coffee. But for work, it happened basically two nights in a row putting out the first issue of Street that I was editor for. I'm sorry, for which I was editor.
Street: What's cooler: being a senior in high school or in college? JN: High school. Not because there's anything good about high school, I mean come on, but you have college right in front of you. And it amazes me that society accepts college as, well, an edifying experience.
Street: Anything else we should know? JN: First, it's amazing that a group of supposedly rational minds put me in charge of a humor magazine. Second, to everyone at Penn, I want to hug you, so just ask.
