Forget what you eat - you are what you do.
Penn generously gives you four months of summer to use as you wish. With ample options out there, what you choose to do says a lot about you.
New York City: You are from New Jersey, Westchester, or Connecticut and you are a COMM major and your job for Us Weekly entails asking people on the street whether Halle Berry or Aretha Franklin looked better in that rose crushed-velvet number. Or you are in Wharton, and by the end of this summer you'll know what you're doing after graduation, and I hate you.
Home: Congratulations on having a healthy relationship with your parents, a steady job you've returned to every summer since junior year of high school, a car, and friends you don't hate. While you are home this summer, please remember to vote.
Taking a road trip: You're going to write the great American novel or something.
Working with children in any capacity: No matter what your motives are, it doesn't matter, because children are the future of the world and it's good that you're donating your time to them. And while you donate time to them, they donate ink to your resume.
Staying at Penn: You are a BBB major who drinks too much during the year to get requirements out of the way on time, a transfer student, or someone with Daddy issues. And me, since I'm afraid of my mother.
Going to the country where your grandparents were born: This is a really beautiful thing to do.
You are at "your family's place in Greece/Nantucket/a country with shocking amounts of economic stratification": Of course I'm jealous, but I take solace in the fact that you're going to get fat with all of those gourmet meals your maid makes you. Fat! And one day the proletariat will rise against you, and torch-carrying, rock-throwing leftists will besiege your family's compound and burn your flesh for oil.
Rehab: Sometimes everyone needs a little R & R. But where I come from, we call that being a pussy. Go get a job at the local Piggly Wiggly and then see how bad your life is.
A job you like and are good at: You won the lottery! Don't let the haters make you feel bad about this.
You have no plans: You are going to lead a wonderful life. Or at least that's what you've convinced yourself.
