Last week's Shoutouts had Wharton unhappily underrepresented. But have no fear, I've been thoroughly sweeping the floors of Huntsman this week to give you the Wharton Report.
For those of us still looking for summer jobs, a non-OCR "finance" opportunity is looking very attractive. One very busy future white collar criminal is looking to hire a "life assistant/hedge fund assistant" to make phone calls, buy groceries, clean his room and go to class for him. For 12 dollars an hour and the opportunity to sleep in his spare bed, this sounds like the perfect job for my mother. But there's no benefit that beats "spending time with a funny, handsome fellow" like this poker playing business man ... unless of course you count living your own life instead of being paid to live someone else's. At least this beats working at the Philadelphia Zoo (thanks a lot, Greg Borgstede).
Apparently the lives of other Whartonites are extremely busy, too. Last weekend, one Delta Sigma Pi upper and friends headed to Miami for the city's annual house music fest. But after a few lines of yay off a restaurant table, this club music aficionado turned sour (isn't it odd how coke always seems to do that?). The audacious act was spotted and resulted in his immediate expulsion, and matters only worsened from there as his friends proceeded to turn against him, refusing him entry into their hotel room because of his illicit activities. For once, doing drugs is so not in. But the cokehead refused to go quietly, choosing to throw a Facebook fit upon the group's return to Penn. Angry Facebook wall posts were followed by threatening voicemails to his co-travelers to "check their Facebook." Scary. Very scary.
Meanwhile in our ever burgeoning Facebook watch, another prominent Quaker has been making waves as well. Observers to sophomore class President Brett Perlmutter's profile are concerned for his sanity after he revamped his entire profile (including pic) in dedication to Sarah Lawrence sophomore Caroline Bankoff, with whom he is now "engaged." Ms. Bankoff, for her part, has left the prez a Facebook gift - a cherry swirled in whip cream. The Sweeper continues to investigate the gift's larger symbolism.
On the home front, MarBar continues to blow. Last Wednesday, the crew team's "bitchin" party was massively underattended ... even the well-respected Cameron Smalls couldn't fill the space, despite a prominent New York DJ, and of course the name of the good man himself. If you ask me, it's time to quit the "bar" charade and call the place what it really is: a coat donation center.
That's all for this week, children, but I'll be back next week. Fling awaits, and we've got you covered...
