-Delegate some of the hard work by soliciting the help of your best friend. That way, someone besides you knows where the ice is, how the stereo works and what to take care of if you pass out.
-Do any cooking, cleaning or decorating before noon on the day of the party. Then leave your house, and chill out for the rest of the day. When you finally come back, you'll be excited again.
-Trash cans, paper towels and water should be strategically and prominently displayed throughout your apartment.
-You should be at least one and a half drinks in before the first guest arrives. After that, pace yourself like the classy host(ess) you are. If you get too excited and go too fast, you'll miss your guests.
-Although the utopian host will introduce guests to each other ("Oh Jeff, did I mention that Fran here just loves taking long walks in the California hills, too?"), it is often awkward and obvious if you are an unskilled matchmaker. Turn the music way up, keep circulating and as long as you make sure that no one is standing completely alone, you've done your best.
-Don't get confined by an agenda. Great parties take on a life of their own, so roll with it.
-Sometimes invitations are like chain reactions, forcing you to invite a friend of a friend to keep the peace. C'est la vie. Invite free agents, as well. Save a couple invitations for random acquaintances who seem whimsical.
-Remove all of your medications from your bedroom and bathroom. Alternatively, you can fill the bottles with tabs of Ex-lax. That's what you get for taking what doesn't belong to you!
-If a handful of your guests get overzealous about the iPod, just let them.
-How do you get rid of an unwanted guest? Have a friend make out with said unwanted guest and then mid-make-out have another friend interject and say, "How dare you make out with boyfriend/girlfriend?"
-How do you take care of a sick guest? Hold their hair, get them water and take their wallet.
-When you wake up the next morning, survey the scene and call your frat friend to get his pledges to come over and clean while singing "I'm a Slave 4 U." Smile, pop some Advil and go back to sleep.
