Dear RAs
We are not friends. Stop trying so hard. I heard you're planning a pizza-party during Ugly Betty on Thursday and the whole hall is invited to watch in your room. This is a poor substitute for friends, my dear RA. Next time, try to pick a show that is not a blatant cry for help. Please don't put your arm around me when you ask me what my favorite pizza topping is. I die a little bit inside. I'm sending in a formal request that you stop creeping everyone out. While Facebook-friending the entire hall brought your friend count to a whopping 27, your casual references to everyone in the hall's photo albums and your interests make us want to file an order of protection. When we clicked confirm friendship we didn't expect to be reenacting One Hour Photo with you. What's up with these constant hall meetings? How many times can you show us where the fire exits are? We are not learning to "understand our peers on a whole new level" or to "come closer together with those who are different from us." Hall meetings help us discover that the only thing we have in common is that during them we all want to drown ourselves. We know you only call meetings as an excuse to undress us with your eyes.
Love, Room 312
P.S. I put hangers on the sprinklers all the time.
