Russian President Vladimir Putin argued last week that the United States is undermining global stability. New Defense Secretary Robert Gates is said to be willing to work with Putin on his concerns, but in return wants Anna Kournikova, Maria Kirilenko and Maria Sharapova.
In other "Eastern European" news, a Polish tourist was rescued Saturday after nearly falling over into Niagara Falls. Speaking through a translator, the Pole said he "thought it looked like fun."
Meanwhile, honeybees are dying by the thousands throughout the heartland, and Evangelical Christians are concerned. "If there's no bees," one preacher said, "It's no longer the birds and the bees. It's birds and more birds, and that just ain't right."
More than 6,000 Philippine couples kissed in a Manila parking lot Saturday, setting a world record. Earthquake fifteen minutes later wiped them all out; also set world-record.
A "Politically Incorrect" party at Macalester College is causing controversy, as one party-goer arrived as a member of the Ku Klux Klan, and another wore blackface with a noose around his neck. With those parameters, guess it's no longer too soon to talk about Amy Gutmann's anorexia...
A NASA Love Triangle disintegrated as female astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested for attempted murder. Suspect was allegedly motivated by zero gravity sex, which was "out of this world." NASA RAs had advised against Shuttlecest.
British philanthropist Richard Branson is offering $25 million to whoever can invent a device to suck carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere. Scientists are referring to these devices as "trees"
