Stephen Glass is back. My grandmother was in town for Shabbat, but enjoying my newly endowed VIP status, I still managed to sweep on this weekend, suckas.
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It's been a scene of mix-ups and false starts lately. When an SDT upper planned an intimate, Blu Martini gathering last weekend for one hundred and fifty of her "closest," it seems she didn't have the foresight to rent out the club. She arrived at her twenty-first birthday party only to find a host of interested Mafioso thirty-somethings with an eye for JAPs and birthday drink specials. At least a photo of her and her friends at dinner garnered them psuedo-celebrity status on a popular Philadelphia blog. According to blogger, these party girls are "hot, sometimes, if you're drunk." Meanwhile, a more scandalous photo landed Theta on probation, causing a rebellious group of seniors to consider the prospect of moving the sorority off-campus. They lost interest, however, when it became too hard to think of a creative name that begins with "the." Apparently, "the cokeslutz" didn't quite have that Tabard ring to it.
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It hasn't been the best week for fraternity admin either. At last week's Alpha Phi date dash, the bartender at Paradigm refused shots to Beta's former prez plus entourage. The ex-Alpha Beta threw a fit and refused to leave when asked, fighting off two bouncers before being thrown out the door horizontally, a la Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Outside, half a dozen more bouncers jumped at the opportunity to beat a Penn prick while down, as the kid cried, "My grandmother got me these pants, you fucking douchebags!" After the troublemaker's bloodied body and pants were finally forced into a cab, Paradigm cut the party short before 1:00 a.m. No word yet on the dry cleaning fee. Meanwhile, one OZ VIP found himself in a sore situation this week as word of his oral disorder spread across campus (not to mention the disorder itself). He claims his problem is genetic. Guess that means his mom has "cooties" too.
***
At least the same fate did not befall one Junior Whartonite who recently tripped to San Juan for a weekend with his summer associates. Ambition abounded as the young Kansan took his bags from the airport straight to his bar of choice and then a strip club, where the Puerto Rican strippers gladly offered more than just lap dances. Sadly, he remained faithful to his socialite girlfriend. You'd think karma was on his side, but an "all on black" bet the following evening put the future suit five figures in the red. Even with "staying faithful" on one end, it appears "being in Wharton" tipped the scales. A personal stewardess was needed to nurse him back to Philly.
