Dear Stalker,
What is happening to us?
Thinking about Valentine's Day makes me reminisce about our past (or rather, your past) methods of following me. Those text messages you'd send me like "u were lookin so good 2nite @ commons!" Sometimes you'd call me 10 times in one day. But now, not so much. Did you lose my number? It's only been a year and a half of phone stalking. This is longer than most celebrity marriages. Let's not let it fail now! Are our awkward hellos not good enough for you? Do you want me to ignore your presence more often? I just don't understand. I don't have much more to give. What. a threesome with your girlfriend? I'm really sorry, but sketchy STD-filled orgies are not sexy. And it's my New Year's Resolution to avoid sex with men I don't know with my name tattooed on their lower back. Now you're trying to move this forward with different media, like Facebook and AIM. On this sainted holiday, how about we move on and live in our glorious memories? Because we have many. I loved that one time when you knocked on my door and I saw you. running down the stairs. Or when you were really happy to walk me home from class as I quietly prayed that Penn security guard would ask if I needed an escort. Those were good times! Happy Valentine's Day - hope you like the restraining order!
Love, You already know who I am
