A cold duck, presumed dead, was found alive after two days spent "chillin'" in a hunter's refrigerator. While activists are incensed, the hunter has appeased many by signing up for Aflac.
Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton publicly declared their intentions to run in the democratic primary. Debate is underway on who will be the first to break the barrier - a half-black man, or a half-man woman. Meanwhile, John Edwards still presents a white, male alternative.
Supermodel Gisele Bundchen has entered the anorexia debate, saying families are to blame for the disorder. H&M CEO Rolf Eriksen jumped to anorexia's defense. "Hey," said Eriksen, "what's wrong with skinny anyway?".
The Chicago Bears defeated the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, ending Cinderella hopes for the Katrina-ravaged city. The population has returned its attention to the fact that it's screwed. Hopes are high, however, for Mardi Gras.
Prince Charles will be in Philly this Saturday, observing the city's acclaimed Mural Arts Program. Despite the beautification project, the Prince is still expected to find the resurgent city "bloody ugly".
And finally, last Saturday marked the third-deadliest day in Iraq, with 25 American troops killed in action. Sober up, children. That's just not funny.
