Since 1944, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has been doling out its luminous Golden Globes to overpaid filmmakers and TV stars. Though the stars don't covet these blunt, phallic weapons as much as the Oscars, the mainstream entertainment media still needs something to complain about until February 25. This year, Street joins the fray in our first-ever Globes recap.
Best Picture, Drama: Babel
In a category full of depressing, death-filled movies - Bobby, Little Children, The Queen and The Departed - Babel wrenched the HFPA's heart the most. Despite cribbing from Crash, Babel probably deserves the award, if only for its ability to say "I'm sad" in three different languages.
Best Picture, Musical or Comedy: Dreamgirls
We all know that Beerfest was unfairly shut out, even though this big, loud musical was pretty sweet.
Best Actor, Musical or Comedy: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat...
We were expecting Brad Pitt from Babel to win this one -- noooooot! Seriously, though, this is a victory for bigots and anti-Semites everywhere, since, judging by the onslaught of lawsuits against Cohen, middle America didn't get the joke.
Best Actress, Drama: Helen Mirren, The Queen
This Dame from across the pond better not croak anytime soon; after playing Queen Elizabeth I in the eponymous miniseries and Liz II in The Queen, she's a shoo-in for Elizabeth the Third, coming to iPhones everywhere in November, 2081.
Best Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Eddie Murphy's finally getting some accolades for playing an eccentric, fading star. Typecasting or Murphy's long-term Hollywood plan? Either way, congratulations for kicking it up a notch, Dr. Dolittle.
Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Critics quibbled over the exclusion of Hudson from the best actress category because she didn't just support Dreamgirls - she was Dreamgirls. No grievances to air here; from putting Beyonc‚ and Jamie Foxx in their places to belting out "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" in a way that makes Whitney Houston sound like William Hung, no actress in recent memory has deserved an award more.
Best TV Actor, Musical or Comedy: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Baldwin's Jack Donaghy, an arch-conservative NBC network exec, makes this sitcom the year's funniest new half-hour of TV. Case in point: Jack spouts lines like "You have the boldness of a much younger woman" to Tina Fey and ponders aloud whether to get his new girlfriend, Condi Rice, a classy briefcase or a pair of lacy underwear. America (the country, not the Ferrera), are you watching this show?
Best Director: Martin Scorsese, The Departed
Take that, Three 6 Mafia! Do you have any Golden Globes? Cause Marty's got two now.
Best Foreign Language Film: Letters from Iwo Jima
C'mon, HFPA, what the hell were you thinking not picking Apocalypto for this one? Oh, sugar tits. Right. Good point.
Cecil B. DeMille Award: Warren Beatty
Dick Tracy has the best color palette ever.
Notable shutouts:
Leonardo DiCaprio, nominated for two high-powered roles, may not have deserved to win for either, but somebody please acknowledge that Leo has come a long way since Growing Pains. Also, are HFPA voters terrorist sympathizers? The fifth season of 24 ran circles around the competition.
