The Devil Wears Prada: Devil's Food Cake
Looking for that perfect dessert while destroying the self-esteem of those around you? Do you secretly yearn that you could be as beautiful and young as Anne Hathaway, and need a chocolatey dessert to bury your glaring personality defects? Then Devil's Food Cake is right up your alley. And now, it's only 5 calories! (Since the rest is bound to come back up in about 10 minutes, anyways.)
The Deer Hunter: Agent Orange Tart
Sure, you may be a prisoner of war in the Mekong Delta, forced to satisfy the whims of any NVA soldier with a passing fancy for American eye-candy. And maybe you cradled your best friend as he slowly died in your arms in the driving rain as you both sank into four feet of mud and cow dung. But do you really want the last thing you taste to be the cold metal of a .45 Desert Eagle as you prepare for the sweet army barracks in the sky? Give the Agent Orange Tart a try. With a combination of diverse flavors, you can taste the sweetness of your estranged wife's perfume, along with the bitterness of your own country betraying you in a grinding and pointless war.
Adaptation: Psychedelic Flowers
So what's the secret to eternal beauty, the location of that enigmatic Fountain of Youth that makes Meryl Street's 86 years seem more like 50? How does she achieve that pale, lifeless look, with high cheekbones glorious protruding from her face? Those track lines twisting and turning up her wrists and arms in tight pirouettes, and those dilated pupils as wide as saucers? Two words: chemical dependence. Ever since Meryl's gone on her strict halucinogenic orchid diet, she's been keeping off those pesky pounds by tripping for more than five days at a time in a near-comatose state. Want to explore the great outdoors within the comfort of your own drug-addled fantasies? Pop a few petals, and you'll be waist-deep in the Florida everglades, wrestling alligators while also losing complete control of the right side of your body. But don't worry! This weight loss plan is completely safe and without side effects. Would Meryl ever lead you astray? Pass the pollen, please!
