"CRAB CAKES AND FOOTBALL! THAT'S WHAT MERYLAND DOES!" As this forgettable bit character in Wedding Crashers so aptly put it, Meryl Street knows what's up. As the public figurehead of the semi-proud, semi-confederate state of Meryland, Meryl has gone to great lengths to promote two of the state's three most prominent attributes, crab cakes and football, while deftly avoiding discussion of the third - poor black people in Baltimore. True to her acting style, Meryl continues to promote cakes with no filler, being quoted at last year's Academy Awards as saying, "I'm about that real shit. None of that fake, filler crap. Just pure crabs. Kinda punched around into a cake. Chesapeake Bay, bitches." And it might not be all talk. According to Meryl's publicist Lois Smith, Street is considering opening up her own brand. "There has been discussion of expanding the Meryl brand," Smith said. "Obviously, Meryl's partial feelings toward crab cakes are something she's held close to her for quite some time, and at some point, it may be time to take those feelings and turn them into something more concrete." Don't get excited too soon, however. Smith warns, "While the tires have been kicked with regards to a potential Meryl Crab Cakes line, no final decisions have been made. Any plans would, however, be in place for any potential 2008 presidential run." This rumored run at the presidency has been lauded by some while criticized by others. Perennial Green Party candidate Ralph Nader is among the most prominent figures to support the jump to politics, although both Republican and Democratic strategists have suggested the support is at least primarily bred out of self-interest. Arnold Schwarzenegger, however, has come out strongly against any Meryl '08 plans. "All she has are those crab cakes and some bad sentimental roles in female movies. How does she expect to be able to run a state, let alone a country?" the California governor was quoted as saying. But the opposition doesn't seem to be stopping her. Meryl has poured millions into businesses around the state, specifically targeting the crab cake industry, and she is also said to be looking into purchasing the Baltimore Ravens. In keeping with her promotional aims, no plans have been made to aid the black community.
-Several monkeys contributed to this report.
