Penn students are known for their diverse interests. We work, volunteer, play, party, procrastinate and work for secret government agencies. I like to rollerblade, listen to really bad music, and write for this despicable publication. However, I do have one very obscure and odd interest: Facebook-stalking child stars.
It all started one rainy afternoon when I was lying in bed watching Kindergarten Cop, one of the greatest films of our time: "Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina." Nothing is funnier than that. In addition to crazy Kindergarteners, you have Schwarzenegger chasing around greasy mulleted mobsters while an annoying kid name Dominic climbs up a radio tower. GENIUS!
So I'm watching the movie for the 50th time and I think: "Hey, I bet those kids are our age by now (ponder). I bet they're on Facebook!" I mustered the strength to grab my laptop and pull up IMDB. But as I glanced down at the faceless names on the screen, I got sad. None of these promising child starlets were on Facebook.
All was lost until I stumbled upon Sarah Rose Karr. She's the "But I'm a princess!" chick who almost peed in her overalls, and she was on Facebook: New College of Florida, class of 2007. She looks exactly the same but now she's older and uglier. It was so satisfying!
The best part about Facebook is the intrigue. I don't actually get to know what Sarah Rose is like, but I can wonder. I wondered whether I should poke her, or message her: "Are you still a princess?" Then I wondered how many people out there in the cyber world of Facebook were as sick as me.
My Facebook-stalking was put on the backburner until last weekend when I ended up watching the worst movie ever made: Sleepover. While watching this mind numbing film I noticed that the young heroine's older brother, Ren Corky, looked eerily familiar. I reached for my laptop and looked him up. His name is Sam Huntington and he's the former child star of Detroit Rock City fame. Next, I looked him up on Facebook and low and behold - Mimi-Suku went to Penn! We have no friends in common, and his profile only promotes himself. I felt like I'd touched a falling star. If only mini-feed had existed two years ago. I'd poke him and ask him to sign my loincloth.
So if you are looking to diversify your extracurricular activities I highly recommend stalking child stars. It's one part trip down memory lane, one part "Where Are They Now" special, and three parts exercising the need to stalk strangers. All in all, it's a much healthier alternative to staring at pictures of people in your classes.
